Dammit! Who Gave Him Sugar?
by supernaturalfreak17
Summary: This is a collection of oneshots where Cas has some form of caffiene and chaos ensues.  Just blame it on the sleep deprivation, Red Bull, and Global Warming.  I have no idea where I got the idea for this fan fic.
1. Dean Is My Bitch

Dammit! Who Gave Him Sugar?

Chapter One:

Dean Is My Bitch

Sam's P.O.V.

It had started out as normal a day at Bobby's house could be. Dean was outside working on the Impala, Cas was staring at a wall, Bobby was cooking, and I was listening to my IPod and researching on the computer.

Suddenly, Cas grinned, which I should've taken as a warning. He slowly turned to me and waggled his finger in a come hither motion. I pulled out my red ear buds andstrolled over to the couch where he had been sitting. He simply rolled his eyes and stood on the couch so that we were about even height. Cas pressed his mouth to my ear as if he was trying to tell me a secret and didn't know exactly how to do it.

I began to feel violated, but didn't pull away because I didn't think Cas would do anything to me. Cas screamed, Bleharga!" I jumped back, holding my ear.

"What the hell was that for, Cas?" He grinned again, before saying, "Dean is my bitch," as serious as he possibly could be.

I blinked dumbly, and Cas looked proud of himself. Dean walked in just at that moment, drying his hands, sweaty and greasy. Castiel picked up my sucker I had sat on the table, stuck it in his mouth, and skipped off, singing, "Dean is my bi-itch, Dean is my bi-itch!"

"What the hell did you do to him?"

I was about to answer, but there was a large crash from the kitchen, and Bobby yelled, "Dammit boys! Who gave him sugar?"


	2. Now I Know My ABQ's

Dammit! Who Gave Him Sugar?

Chapter Two:

Now I Know My ABQ'S

Bobby's P.O.V.

I was just sitting in the library, trying to read a book, but I had to baby sit the angel. I guess I should have expected it because I was the one that gave him caffeine in the first place. This made it my fault in the first place that Cass seemed to be slowly going mad in the first place. It probably didn't help that his pet duck ran away.

Anyways, back to the story. Cass wouldn't shut up, and he kept singing his and Sam's favorite song, 'They're Coming To Take Me Away'. It always made Cass start laughing demonically. Finally, I snapped. "Dammit Cass! Will you please either leave or shut up?"

The nerdy man-angel just grinned. "Only if I get to sing you a song."

I just sighed, knowing he would sing no matter what I did.

"A-B-Q-R-S-T-D'S…Winchesters are chasing me! One is Sam, one is Dean, one is John and one's Mary! Now I'm running for my life… be-cause Sammy has a knife!"

"That was a very…..disturbing song Cass. Thanks for scaring me, ya friggin' idgit." He did a backbend, and started walking like that to the kitchen, all the while, mumbling, "They want my nuts. The friggin' squirrels want my friggin' nuts. Silly squirrels, don't they know that nuts are for handsome nerdy man angels? Hehehe."

*SPN*SPN*SPN*SPN*SPN*SPN*SPN*SPN*

The song Cass sang for Bobby is a song that my friend and I parodied. The original song is, "A-B-C-D-E-F-G, Gummy bears are chasing me! One is red, one is blue! One is peeing on my shoe! Now I'm running for my life because the red one has a knife!"

My friend and I made it a supernatural song, and we thought it would be cute for Castiel to be doing gymnastics and singing it.


	3. Basket Case

Dammit! Who Gave Him Sugar?

Chapter Three:

Basket Case

Author P.O.V.

Sam couldn't sleep, and he had tried everything. He gave up and began texting Castiel.

Suddenly, the angel appeared in the hotel room. Sam glanced at the fallen angel, noticing something weird, but not being able to put his finger on it, his brain being muddled by lack of sleep.

"Hey Cass. How're you doing?"

"Help me."

Sam spun around, finally noticing what he saw. He was facing the small angel.

"Dude, what the hell?" The fallen angel was stuck in a picnic basket, twisted like a pretzel. And naked.

"I'm stuck."

"How in the name of Hell did this happen?"

"It was Naked Day in Heaven, and Gabriel bet me his wings that I couldn't fit in this picnic basket, and I wanted my Wings back, so I proved him wrong, and now he owes me Wings."

"So you're naked. In a basket."

"Pretty much."

The younger Winchester grabbed Castiel under his armpits and pulled. After a struggle, in which Cass's foot got stuck, he was out of the basket. Cass breathed a sigh of relief, then realized Sam was holding him up in the air. "Can you put me down?"

Sam dropped him on the ground, and the ex-angel screamed and grabbed the foot that had been stuck. The noise awoke the eldest Winchester, who shot up and looked around for the source of the noise. When he discovered the two, he blinked dumbly. "Okay, I don't care what kind of fucked up relationship y'all have, but I don't really want to know about it. So either quiet down, or get a separate room."

Sam chuckled and began to look down at the floor, but something caught his eye. On his brother. In the region of his….thing.

"Dude, really? You have a boner from seeing naked Cass?"


	4. Extended Version

Dammit! Who Gave Him Sugar?

Chapter Three:

Basket Case

Author P.O.V.

Sam couldn't sleep, and he had tried everything. He gave up and began texting Castiel.

Suddenly, the angel appeared in the hotel room. Sam glanced at the fallen angel, noticing something weird, but not being able to put his finger on it, his brain being muddled by lack of sleep.

"Hey Cass. How're you doing?"

"Help me."

Sam spun around, finally noticing what he saw. He was facing the small angel.

"Dude, what the hell?" The fallen angel was stuck in a picnic basket, twisted like a pretzel. And naked.

"I'm stuck."

"How in the name of Hell did this happen?"

"It was Naked Day in Heaven, and Gabriel bet me his wings that I couldn't fit in this picnic basket, and I wanted my Wings back, so I proved him wrong, and now he owes me Wings."

"So you're naked. In a basket."

"Pretty much."

The younger Winchester grabbed Castiel under his armpits and pulled. After a struggle, in which Cass's foot got stuck, he was out of the basket. Cass breathed a sigh of relief, then realized Sam was holding him up in the air. "Can you put me down?"

Sam dropped him on the ground, and the ex-angel screamed and grabbed the foot that had been stuck. The noise awoke the eldest Winchester, who shot up and looked around for the source of the noise. When he discovered the two, he blinked dumbly. "Okay, I don't care what kind of fucked up relationship y'all have, but I don't really want to know about it. So either quiet down, or get a separate room."

Sam chuckled and began to look down at the floor, but something caught his eye. On his brother. In the region of his….thing.

"Dude, really? You have a boner from seeing naked Cass?"

"Ahh….dud….guh….Yeah, about that. You see, I was having a really…uhh, weird dream about Jo- I meant Ell- No, umm, Li- … Be- aww, screw it. I meant Jo!" Sam interrupted him by gagging. "Aww, shut it. I didn't say anything when you dreamed about Bella." Sam looked shocked. "Yeah, you said her name. Anyways, Cass woke me up in the middle of it, and I didn't know."

"One: Eww. You were dreaming about a girl that's younger than me, and two: you didn't have to sit up. I mean really, at least cover it with a pillow."

"Can I borrow some clothes, please?" The two men had forgotten about the naked angel, and were startled by his voice

It was Dean who answered. "Sure. Just grab something out of my duffel."

"Hey, Dean, what is this thing in the front pocket?"

"NO CASS! Stay out of there!"

*SPN*SPN*SPN*SPN*SPN*SPN*SPN*SPN*

Do you want to know what he found?

Do you want to knw what happened in Heaven's Naked Day?

There is a poll on my profile, or you can tell me in a review.


	5. Macarena

Dammit! Who Gave Him Sugar?

Chapter Five:

Macarena

Author P.O.V.

"God Dammit, Cass! You are not allowed on the roof!" My brother was still arguing with Castiel. About fifteen minutes ago, Cass had become obsessed with climbing on Bobby's roof.

"I want to! I am an adult person and I CAN DO WHAT EVER THE HELL I WANT!" Cass screamed from the porch.

"Cass, just do what Dean says. I don't think the neighbors want to see you tanning on the roof." I yelled from the back yard where I had been washing Bobby's car.

"Nana na boo boo!" Cass stripped down naked and ran through the yard. "Wheeeeeeeee!"

"Shit! No, Cass! Do not run to the neighbor's house! They do not want to see your junk!" Dean yelled at the naked angel that was currently running through the woods, apparently trying to pay the neighbor's a visit.

"Yes they do! I'm beautiful!"

Dean took off running after the neurotic angel that seemed to have the mental capacity of a grapefruit. What he didn't know is that Cass made a U-turn in the middle of the woods and snuck by Dean. He ran towards the house at top speed and scampered up the ladder he had bought off the internet on my laptop. He made it half way up the ladder before Dean made his way back to the house. Cass froze and turned around, then climbed up the ladder backwards. The naked angel made it on to the roof.

"Cass, get down now!" Dean looked at me. "Sam, stop laughing and get him down!"

I looked at the roof, and was shocked. Castiel was doing the Macarena on the roof, naked.

"Castiel! Get your naked ass of that roof right now! Dear God, that is definitely on the top ten list of things I never thought I would say."

In respons, Cas flipped Dean off, and flung his head back and started making really awkward noises.

"That's it, no more Monster for you, Mister!" Castiel just turned around so that we would see his ass, and started shaking it.


	6. Castiel's Birthday

Dammit, Who Gave Him Sugar?  
>Chapter 6<p>

Castiel's Birthday

Author's POV

December 24, 2012

Sam woke up to the sound of an alarm going off. He shot straight out of bed. The first thing that caught his eye was his calendar. It was December 24! Castiel's birthday.

Cass had been talking about it all year, and Sam had sorta forgotten it. Absently, he registered the alarm still ringing. He picked up his phone and turned off the alarm and threw it on his bed. He just had to hope Cass was still asleep.

Sam tiptoed across the hall, into Cass's open door. He was saved. Cass was still snoring with no idea that Sam nearly forgot.

Sam gently shook him, but he didn't stir. He tried again with the same results. He yelled, "Cass! Get. UP!"

Immediately, the brunette shot straight up. "It's my birthday! It's my birthday!" He smacked Sam across the head. "Sam, it's my BIRTHDAY!"

He threw his duvet on the floor and ran out the door in only his underwear, leaving behind a very stunned Sam.

Cass ran straight to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of Mountain Dew from the fridge. He started jumping up and down, singing, "La la la la la! It's my birthday and it's not yours! La la la la la!"

Sam couldn't help but laugh. The whole scene was hilarious. Here was Cass, jumping through the kitchen with at 2 liter of Mountain Dew and singing about it being his birthday with his crazy bedhead and Sam half- naked with his curly hair flopping in his face and cackling like a witch.

The neurotic angel finally stopped hopping and singing. "I want Mountain Dew!" He twisted the lid of the bottle off and a volcano stream shot straight towards the ceiling and back down to him. Within seconds, he was covered in the sticky, fluorescent yellow drink.

"SAMMEH! I WANNA HUG YOU!" Castiel sat the empty bottle down and ran straight to Sam, who, of course, ran away.

Sam opened his bedroom door and ran inside. He slammed the door shut and pressed his back against it to prevent the sticky boy from hugging him.

"Boy, Let me hug you! I will hug you, until you learn, to hug yourself!" Cass sang.

"What the hell, Cass?"

"Let me hug you! It's a birthday hug! Then you can spank me!" Sam could almost see Cass wiggling his eyebrows and grinning evilly.

"I thought that was Dean's job!'

"He's too short! And besides, he and Gabriel go together better!"

Sam had to hold back a laugh. Cass was even more perverted than Dean sometimes.

Sam sighed. "Fine, Cass. But you have to take a shower afterwards!"

"Deal! Now open the damn door!"

Sam opened the door and immediately, the sticky boy latched himself onto Sam.

"I can't breathe, Cass."

"Yes you can. If you couldn't breathe, you wouldn't be able to talk."

"Why are you so smart?"

"No idea.'

"Can you please let go now?"

"Si, senorita." Castiel let go of Sam and grinned up at him.

"Why did you call me a woman?"

"Because you are my bitch. According to many Sastiel fanfictions, I dominate you.

"W-Why the hell would you read those?"

"I was bored."

"You are one messed up."

"I enjoy fresh fresh fresh tuna."


End file.
